


The Human Heart Is A Funny Thing

by RunawayDragons



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Commander Zila Shepard - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 3, Other, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:31:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunawayDragons/pseuds/RunawayDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like many others, I have never really been happy with the ending of Mass Effect 3. The way it was presented always bothered me, as I felt Shepard deserved better. So that is what I did, I gave my Shepard a better ending. Screw canon, this is what happened as far as I am concerned.<br/>So this takes place at the end of the game, after talking to the AI ghost child that ruins everything. Zila Shepard makes her choice, and then tries to embrace it, but the human heart is a funny thing...<br/><br/>-----</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Human Heart Is A Funny Thing

Commander Zila Marie Shepard, hero of the Citadel, armor half burned off her body by Harbinger's canon, skin sticky with sweat that reeks of adrenaline, hair clinging to her face, smelling slightly singed, limps towards the center of the crucible. She’d already weighed her options, and then she had made her decision. It takes her less time then she’d thought to reach the green beam of energy and throw herself in. 

She’d planned on destroying the reapers, had thought there was no other real option. But, then she’d been given a new choice, one that would allow the people she had fought so hard to save to have a chance to live. And yes, her emotions had played a part in the making of that decision. The thought of just ending EDI’s life, and those of the Geth, was more death she couldn’t bear. A price she wasn’t willing to pay.

So now she feels herself begin to unravel. At least the pain has gone away. Her awareness notes the fact that she is no longer corporeal, but is too distracted by what is happening to really care. She can feel the galaxy, parts of her are in every major system, sent hurtling through space via the mass effect relays. This is good, there will be peace. Her soul feels lighter, no longer haunted by the deaths she has been carrying all these years; her sacrifice making up for them in some small way. 

The Normandy is safe, she can see them, feel their DNA shift to accommodate this new synthesis of life. Her crew, her friends, she wishes them all well, sends them blessings with every last atom of what remains of her. To Garrus she sends everything she has left, all her love, and she swears she can feel tears as she is pulled on to the next system. She doesn’t want to leave them again, leave her ship, her home, but all too soon she can’t see them anymore. And her heart breaks all over again. 

Seeing Rannoch and Palaven brings a small measure of joy, but it only pushes aside the overwhelming feeling of loss for a moment. Her sacrifice is saving the galaxy, her crew, Earth, and future generations of countless civilizations. One life to save trillions. A more than fair price to pay. Over and over she reminds herself of all the good things that will happen as a result. Wrex will have countless children, Bakara will ensure the Krogan don’t make the same mistakes as they did in the past. Liara will use her resources to help Thessia rebuild quickly, while Tali builds her house overlooking the ocean. Joker and EDI just might get married, and she is sure Garrus will be there for them. 

_Garrus._ The thought of him overwhelms her with a bittersweet mixture of love and sadness. The thought of him being alone again… at least he will have his sister, although Zila wishes she’d gotten to meet her, at least once. While the past months had been excruciating, they had also been some of the best of her life, and so many of the best moments were because of Vakarian. There had been something between them since the moment they’d met, but she’d been too focused on her mission to ever allow herself to have a romantic relationship with anyone. But dying had forced her to realize that wasn’t really what she wanted. So she’d dived in, and snared herself the sexiest turian alive. 

Memories of their relationship swamp her consciousness; like their first kiss, when she’d enjoyed the dry sort of warmth his body had radiated. How he would always smell vaguely of his favorite cleaning compound that he used on his sniper rifles. Or how after a rough day he wouldn’t mind if she had her hamster, Ben, on her shoulder while they would cuddle on her bed to watch Voyager together. The way he would humor her need to never let a gunship near him ever again. Or the sound he would make when her biotics would get in the way of his shot. The feeling of his arm bracing her back as they danced, their bodies perfectly in sync, her cheeks flushed, and stomach full of butterflies. The fact that when they were alone he would call her “Zee” to prove he hadn’t forgotten she had a name other than Shepard. 

Loving Garrus Vakarian had been the best decision she had ever made, and now, as she can feel the energy she is a part of suck back towards Earth, she wishes she’d told him that just one last time. Stars and systems flash past her awareness, but she doesn’t enjoy the view, because this pain is almost too much to bare. The hope that maybe she just might get to survive this and join Garrus on that beach somewhere was strong motivation for living through everything. But here she is, not even a whole person anymore, about to die for the second time. The first time had been bad, well, bad being an understatement, as suffocation had been a horrible way to go. Yet somehow, despite the fact she is no longer in any physical pain, this hurts a thousand times more. 

It’s coming, she can feel it. Her time is over, the galaxy will move on without her…  


_No._ That thought starts out small, but gets bigger as her heart and soul seem to scream it as one voice. No, she doesn’t want to die. No, she doesn’t want to just be a memory to those she loves. No, hasn’t she sacrificed enough? Lost enough? She has no family other than that small group of people on a crashed ship somewhere far away. Why can’t she just get to be the one who has the happy ending? She isn’t ready to lose it all, again! She isn’t finished living. Spirits, she isn’t finished loving _him_ …  
She can feel herself start to drift away. **_No._** She will not go quietly this time! She refuses to let this be it. She is going to live! **NO!** She will not end this way! One stubborn thought after another fuels her resolve. She can do this, she is Commander Shepard after all. If she can bring peace to Rannoch, get the Krogan to fight for the freedom of the Turian homeworld, then she can do this. She can live. 

Sheer force of will keeps her from fading away, her DNA somehow managing to stick back together. Now she feels the pain, not just physical, but mental. It takes every iota of her stubborn refusal to lose herself not to give in. It feels like years before she starts to feel like a person again. What she notices first is that her jaw hurts from clenching her jaw in concentration, but then realizing she can feel just adds more strength. She is winning. She can do this. 

And she does. Commander Shepard finishes pulling herself together as the wreckage of the Citadel crashes to earth. She feels the terrible sensation of falling right after feeling a sense of victory as she fills her lungs with air once again. Blackness swallows her once more, but this darkness doesn’t feel so final.  
She wakes up sore, but alive. Zila Shepard is too happy to care that she is naked and covered in cuts and bruises. She manages to find some ill fitting clothes in a ruined apartment complex. No shoes though, so she uses her biotics to keep a small barrier between her feet and the sharp things on the ground. With no omnitool to tell her which way to go, she just picks a direction and starts walking, slowly. 

A geth patrol finds her the following morning, they’d been sent to see if there was anything worth salvaging in the area. Zila is relieved, as if any other race had found her, she would be bombarded with questions. The Geth feel no such need, and one unit, a prime, volunteers to bring her back to the main base of operations in the area. After noting her fatigued state, they pick her up and let her ride on their shoulder, not seeming to mind her questions about what happened once she made it to the Citadel. 

Grunt is the last person she had expected to see, but her heart sings to know he is well. He actually hugs her, almost breaking her ribs, but making her smile ear to ear. He doesn’t argue with her wish to keep her return quiet, and happily makes room for her in his command tent. Overwhelmed by fatigue, she sleeps for almost two days before waking up ravenous.  
It takes a week for the Normandy to return to the Sol system, which is probably for the best, as Zila’s reassembled body needed that time to rest and recuperate. Now, heart in her throat, she stands next to her tank bred son, while they watch a beat up Alliance shuttle land in the nearby area cleared of rubble and wreckage to make a landing pad. Not ready to report to Hackett, Zila had asked Grunt not to tell Joker exactly what he’d found, just that it was important, and that Garrus should come as soon as possible. 

The shuttle hatch opens and she sees him carefully step down onto solid ground, followed by Tali and Liara. The three are talking amongst themselves, looking around at the ruins and crews working on bringing order to the chaos, as they make their way towards the command post. Tali and Liara are in their usual garb, while Garrus wears the same armor he’d been wearing the last time she’d seen him, bloody, and being pulled onto the Normandy by Tali. It’s been cleaned, and repaired with his usual care. 

Finally they notice Grunt, Garrus begins to call out a greeting when he sees the person standing next to him, red hair shining in the sunlight. He freezes in place, causing Liara and Tali to hesitate, and look for the cause of his distraction, as they hadn’t yet noticed Grunt’s companion. 

Shepard looks at his bright blues eyes and her vision begins to blur. They both begin to move at the same time, walking fast enough that they’re almost running. Rather than crash together, he pulls her to him gently, his eyes never losing hers. They just stare for awhile, the world around them having fallen away. She tries to tell what he is thinking, but he isn’t giving much away, so she lets a hand travel upwards until she has the side of his face cradled in her hand. 

“Zee, it really is you…” His words are quiet. Gently, so gently, he rests his forehead against hers, as his arms tighten around her waist. 

She gives him her best smile before replying, “Of course, it is. After all, there is no way I’m going to let you get out of that promise of starting a family.”

His chuckle warms her body from her toes to the top of her head. Unable to resist anymore, she kisses him, savoring it at first, then it turns into something driven by need, like he is the air she needs to breathe. He returns her passion, but breaks up the kiss when Liara taps him on the shoulder while clearing her throat loudly. Shepard and Vakarian have the good grace to look slightly apologetic, though they never quite let go of each other while Tali and Liara get to hug their Commander. 

The five of them spend a few hours together, making plans, swapping stories. The whole time, Zila keeps the fingers firmly entwined around one of Garrus’ hands. Saying goodbye to Grunt is hard, but at least she should be able to see him again soon. The shuttle ride is quiet, though the air is thick with unspoken questions. 

Her friends smuggle her onto the Normandy quietly. She and Liara head straight to Shepard’s quarters, while Garrus and Tali go to spread the word to Joker and the members of her squad first. Zila’s quarters are much the same as she left them, except there is a sniper rifle in pieces on her desk, and Ben’s cage has been moved to the table next to the couch, so his spot on the shelf can hold some of Garrus’ possessions. Liara starts to explain, but Zila waves her off. She told Garrus that he was to take command if she didn’t make it back, plus he had warned her that he’d moved into her quarters because he couldn’t sleep anywhere else anymore. He’d blamed it on her bed being too comfortable, but they both knew that wasn’t the real reason.  
One by one, her closest friends make their way up to see for themselves that their Commander is alive. She answers their questions the best she can, does her best not to leave anything out. Garrus notices her begin to look worn out, and efficiently sends everyone away. He leaves too, but promises to be back quickly with some food for her to eat. 

Alone, she feeds the fish, marveling that they survived, before taking a quick shower and changing into her own clothes. Garrus returns, tray of food in one hand, and a bottle of something alcoholic looking in the other. She accepts his offerings, inhales her food, and then apologizes for getting him covered in crumbs. They try to talk after that, but nothing comes easy, so he grabs her datapad and plays her favorite episode of Voyager. Comfort fills every inch of her tired body, making Zila melt into Garrus’ side, head gently resting on his chest. Right before sleep claims her, they move from the couch to the bed. There, safe in the arms of the person she loves, she falls asleep. 

Garrus finally lets himself relax, finally sure he isn’t dreaming. Zila really is here, alive, with him. The past two weeks had been hell. Certain she had died, he had thrown himself into getting the Normandy back into the sky, desperately trying to keep the sadness at bay. But now, that hole in his heart is gone, because she is back. She came back for him, and he will be sure to never waste a minute from now own. 

“Garrus?” Her sleepy voice wraps around his heart, making his breath hitch.

“Yes?” he replies. 

“Go to sleep, because you’re going to need your energy when I wake up.” Her tone has a slight taste of temptation to it, making his pulse quicken. 

He chuckles again, that low one that always sends a thrill up her spine, before answering her. “Yes, mam.”


End file.
